Tickling the Romantic Funnybone
Ten Relationship Commandments
I. I am thy Main Squeeze; thou shalt squeeze no others beside me.
II. Thou shalt not take the name of thy Squeeze in vain, nor badmouth me behind my back.
III. Remember our Anniversary, and keep it holy. Or else.
IV. Honor MY mother and father. THINE are too darn weird.
V. Thou shalt not kill my love by behaving tacky and making me embarrassed to be seen with thee.
VI. Thou shalt not commit adultery, nor shalt thou even THINK about it if thou knowest what’s good for thee.
VII. Thou shalt not steal from my purse while I am in thy bathroom, nor use my credit cards, nor make long-distance calls from my telephone.
VIII. Thou shalt not talk about our personal problems to our friends.
IX. Thou shalt not covet the higher market price of thy neighbor’s house.
X. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s Squeeze, nor daughter, nor stereo, nor BMW.
A husband and wife came for counseling after 15 years of marriage. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 15 years they had been married.
She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of un-met needs she had endured over the course of their marriage.
Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and, after asking the wife to stand, embraced and kissed her passionately.
The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze.
The therapist turned to the husband and said, “This is what your wife needs at least three times a week Can you do this?”
The husband thought for a moment and replied,.. “Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Friday’s, I fish!
Pick up lines
- Hello. Cupid called. He says to tell you that he needs my heart back.
- Do you have a pencil? Cause I want to erase your past and write our future.
- How was Heaven when you left it?
- Excuse me… Hi, I’m writing an essay on the finer things in life, and I was wondering if I could interview you.
- If I had a rose for every time I thought of you, I would be walking through my garden forever.
- You must be a girl scout because you tie my heart in knots.
- You know, you might be asked to leave soon. You’re making the other women look really bad.
- Let me tie your shoes, because I don’t want you falling for anyone else.
Shortly before our 25th wedding anniversary, my husband sent 25 long-stemmed yellow roses to me at my office. A few days later, I plucked all the petals and dried them. On the night of our anniversary, I spread the petals over the bed and lay on top of them, wearing only a negligee.
As I’d hoped, I got a reaction from my husband.
When he saw me, he shouted, “Are those potato chips?”
Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, “Why is the bride dressed in white?”
“Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life,” her mother replied.
The child thought about this for a moment then asked, “So why is the groom wearing black?”
Humorous Quotes on Love & Romance from Famous People
“Love is a lot like a backache, it doesn’t show up on X-rays, but you know it’s there.” — George Burns
“My wife was afraid of the dark… then she saw me naked and now she’s afraid of the light.” — Rodney Dangerfield
“I love being married. It’s so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” — Rita Rudner
“A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.” — Lana Turner
“The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he’s a baby.”– Natalie Wood
“An archaeologist is best husband a woman can have: the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.” — Agatha Christie
“You have to walk carefully in the beginning of love; the running across fields into your lover’s arms can only come later when you’re sure they won’t laugh if you trip.” — Jonathan Carroll